Snowflakes and Salsa

     I know some of you can relate on some kind of level when I say finding out your pregnant can surface so many different emotions you never knew you had. If you are anything like me, you most likely experienced them all simultaneously. I mean, I know I'm a woman and our bodies are equipped with all the right parts to propagate a human being (if not multiple human beings) but does that mean I am one of these women? I went back and forth from shock to denial. Denial to being overjoyed. Then back to denial. It's the weirdest thing but you actually start denying the fact that the test came out positive and that it must be faulty. Even after taking 3 more tests and them all coming back with the same result, you are sure it must be the brand. I'm sure this thought process has crossed the minds of some ladies out there whose experienced an unexpected pregnancy. I became so excited but so scared at the same time. I began saying, "No way. . No way." Then I began laughing as my eyes began to welt up with tears. "I can't believe this." I said, over and over again. I kept this full on conversation going with myself for a good half hour in my car. Anybody who passed me on the road either thought I had an imaginary friend sitting in my passenger seat or I was singing along to a compilation of disney songs. At that point, that was the most important day of my life and I will never forget it as long as I live. Each thought was mine to have. Mine to express. Mine to experience for the first time with me and only me. 
     I arrived home, antsy as ever. Cody wouldn't be home for another hour. Another whole hour! Which seemed like an eternity in my eyes. I had went to the store the night before and purchased all the ingredients to make Texas Caviar, a twist on the average salsa dish. I had a craving for beans that night(which makes sense to me now) and since this casserole-like salsa compiled of 4 different kinds, it deemed necessary to make. Seeing as how I had an hour to kill, I started pulling all the ingredients out of the fridge and placing them on the counter. I figured, the more I'd chop, dice and mix the less I'd think, analyze and obsess. It was the month of April and there was snow on the ground. Any other person would think this is absolutely absurd weather to be having in April! Unless of course, you've lived in Utah. I had opened the 4 cans of beans and dumped them into a bowl, along with corn and peas. I had just started chopping up a green bell pepper when I heard the rustling of keys in the door. My heart was beating out of my chest! I started to bite my lip and shuffle my feet. . .Cody's home! 
     The door swung open and in came a cool rush of fresh, cold air. Cody walked in with a smile on his face and a skip in his step. He rushed up to me and held out his arm as if in wonderment of his jacket sleeve. "Ash, come here! Lookie! Look at this. . ." Before he could finish his sentence I rushed up to him just as quickly and wrapped my arms around his neck. I squeezed so tightly that our breathing became in sync. It was quiet. I couldn't utter a word. He finally broke the silence, "I smell. . .dirt and bell peppers. What are you cooking!?" I pulled away laughing. I couldn't help but smile. He knew something was up. But what? He had no idea. "Close your eyes and open your hands!" I demanded. With a confused look on his face, he engaged in my request. I grabbed the test and set it lightly within his opened hands. Backing up slowly, I took a mental picture of this moment. There he was, pregnancy test placed inside the palms of his hands with absolutely no clue he was going to be a father. He then opened his eyes. His mouth widened. An eyebrow raised as he glanced at the test. He glanced up at me, then back down at the test and asked, "who's. . is this?" "It's mine, babe!" I replied, suddenly becoming flushed in the face. "Are you sure?" his head tilting to one side. "BABE!" His grin widened as he shook his head. "I ran in here to show you this enormous snowflake that had fallen and placed itself perfectly on the sleeve of my jacket but I think you've got me beat!" 
     All the worries and speculation soon drifted from my mind. The shock was still holding strong but the panic I had felt earlier in the day soon disintegrated as I stood before Cody and that pregnancy test. "How do you feel about it, hon?" Cody asked as he inched towards me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Of all the things I could tell you right now, the one word that sticks out the most is blessed. I feel truly blessed." And I knew he felt the same. 





Mothers Day- May 8th :D






Easter- April 24th Me, baby Z, Milly and Cody